The first week home

Oddly I cried when we left the hospital this time. Not when he was born or any other time in the hospital, just on the car ride home. It is weird because I was sad that part was over. Sad I was not pregnant anymore, sad that all the hype about when he was going to arrive was done. Anyone that knows me well knows I am ready to take Christmas decorations down on Christmas day once all the present opening and celebrating is over. I have been like this since I was a kid. I don't actually take it down on Christmas day, but you better believe the very next morning it is all getting packed away. I get a little depressed once it is all over that I want to start on the next thing. I guess it was the same after Crosby's birth. I love being pregnant (no I am not going to try to beat the Duggars) and all the excitement that comes with the blessing of a baby. I know his birth represents the beginning of everything but still I was just a little bit sad.

We have experienced many new things this past week and a half. Some good. Some bad challenging. Hadley has been sick.. like non stop sick basically since we brought Crosby home. Not only that she started day care the day after we brought him home. She had the residual of a cold and a cough since the week before he was born and it has lingered for weeks now. Then last Saturday when my brother and his family were going to come over so all the cousins could meet Hadley woke up from her nap with a 102.6 temp. She was laying on Matt and was really not feeling well. That was a long couple of days. Her temp would come and go depending on if the Motrin had worn off. We took her to the doctor Monday and they said she has bumps on her throat but it was not Strep and that it just had to run its course.

Since it had been over 24 hours since her fever broke and she was acting more normal she went back to school on Tuesday (she is still adjusting to school.. breaks my heart :( ). When Matt picked her up they let him know a kid went home with Hand Foot and Mouth. They were more concerned about Crosby and told Matt to go home bath her and bleach all her clothes. The joys of day care. We have been saying lots of prayers she doesn't get and Crosby doesn't get it. So far she hasn't but it can take a little bit of time to show up. She still has this terrible cough and just coughs and coughs all night long. Judy recommended Zarbee's Children Cough Syrup. It is a natural cough remedy. Matt called the pediatrician to make sure it was okay (were overly cautious about everything when it comes to meds - natural or not). They said before we give it to her to bring her in to have her lungs checked, but it would be fine. So today Crosby has his 2 week appointment at 1:30 and Hadley has a dr. appointment at 2. We ended up giving her some last night because she was coughing so much and it helped for 4 hours. I was afraid to go in there and give her more for fear she may not go back to sleep. Poor girl. This stuff is great and I am thankful for the recommendation Judy :-) We couldn't give her the nighttime kind because they don't recommend it for toddlers under 2.. I am sure it is just because of the melatonin.

Sooo because of Hadley being sick and her being exposed to Hand, Foot and Mouth - me and C have been quarantined to the master bedroom. I come out after they leave and lysol/bleach everything and then we can come out. My hands are so dry and have been cracking and bleeding from how many times I wash or germ-x them. Matt started not feeling well so he isn't even allowed in here. He has been kicked out to the loft apartment upstairs. He loves it though. He said the bed is so comfortable and he gets to sleep through the night; I am afraid he may never come back down :-) He needs his sleep big time though.

Last Wednesday, Hadley stated "school" and is having a little bit of a hard time with it. She is going through sever separation anxiety now (which she never had going to Elsa's.. in fact she cried sometimes when we picked her up to go home) and it very whiny. I am sure the combo of new environment, new baby, and being sick is not helping as well as the terrible twos :-/ Some days she is great and others she is a mess! I read a friends blog post about her daughter (who is 2 weeks older than Hadley) at the zoo and her little meltdown and honestly it made me feel better that I am not alone (thanks Melanie for sharing that awesome story!). I guess they all go through it.

So with all of that with Hadley I have had some issues with nursing. In the hospital he was a nursing champ. He even gained 3 oz while in the hospital and he was exclusively nursing. His pedi said that happens 1 out of 20 newborns. I have to say I gave myself a pat on the back and was feeling very proud. I had such a struggle with Hadley and literally struggled through it for 3 months and had to supplement with every feeding. I just knew this time was going to be different since we had such a successful start. So the second day home he decided he would only nurse on one side.. then when I forced him to nurse on the other side, after much screaming, I went to burp him he spit up blood. I was so freaked out, but knew he wasn't bleeding internally. I figured the latch must be wrong because it was so painful every time he nursed. I would find myself curling my toes and biting my lip in pain. I know it shouldn't be like that.

After talking to his pedi I tried what she recommended. It didn't help very much so I called a Lactation Consultant that had been recommended to me and she was so helpful. She taught me how to make him latch without causing me pain and also how to pump properly. I never knew you were supposed to toggle between the two different modes like 8-10 time per session. Wow what a difference that makes. So she has me on a regimen of nurse, supplement and pump at every feeding during the day and then just nurse or pump and supplement at night. She said I will probably always have to supplement and I am okay with that. I know my thyroid disease and a few other factors play a major role in why I cannot exclusively nurse. She even told me that.. After my experience with the La Leche League with Hadley I was happy to hear she wasn't going to tell me to stay in the bathtub all day and nurse my child on demand - true story of the advice I received from them. I know breast milk is best, but lets be honest a healthy thriving baby is all we want and if it comes from formula or breast milk I am perfectly fine with it. Right now he is getting 1/2 and 1/2 or 2/3 breast milk and 1/3 formula depending on the day. I know that he will start eating more and I hope with all the supplements and water and constant nursing/pumping my supply will increase. However, this time I will not beat myself up and cry all them time if it doesn't!

So that is our first few week as a family of 4. Not the easiest but once everyone is healthy things will start to improve and we can all hang out in the same room :-) We are even taking 2 cars to the pedi.. that is how paranoid we are about him getting sick. I know a little crazy, but I just cannot imagine my teeny tiny baby sick.